A baby sized beginning

    I just wanted to inform my reader's that I'm not an expert by any means on raising a child. So you won't learn that here on my blog. This is purely for entertainment purposes and giving those of you who will actually participate in owning children (yes, owning them- because if you haven't discovered, they raise themselves with a few of your suggestions) some of my inside knowledge. *Warning- I have no filter and may say things that make others squeamish.*


      I wanted to start from the very beginning.

This was test 2.

          Pregnancy- oh the joys of turning into an alien cow.

6 weeks pregnant

12 weeks pregnant

 I found out the old fashion way that I had conceived. Puking. The first 4 months of pregnancy are pretty much the worst hangover you can imagine, minus the fun night of colorful shots and bar smoke.Yes, you have the headaches, feeling like you need 10 more years of sleep, and throwing up for years. Let's just say- I was the skinniest I had been in a while-losing about 19 lbs. in my first trimester. 

16 weeks

     The second trimester is probably the easiest- physically. It's the hardest emotionally. Your body starts doing all these crazy things and you feel fat. FAT. Not pregnant. I know I'm not the only one who has ever gone through this. By the way- your body will never be the same one way or another. Now you are faced with telling everyone that there is something growing inside of you and you will be needing their help for the next 18 years- it does take a village to raise a baby. This will be the most exciting, yet scariest thing you will have to do until you are about 40 weeks and in the hospital. A lot of people won't have the reaction you were hoping for but in the end everyone will be on team Baby.

32 Weeks!

     Last but not least, the third trimester. You're cleaning and decorating like you have never thought you would before. You might as well be teaching Martha Stewart a thing or two. And you will be doing this all hours of the day and night- might as well, not like you will sleep at all (if you were lucky enough to do so any part of the pregnancy.) By this point you may have also learned your bladder is attached to other parts of your body, such as your nose. Yes- the famous sneeze and tinkle. IF you are lucky and never experience that during pregnancy you will learn about the sneeze and tinkle right after child birth. Hope you don't have allergies...


Now for childbirth-

Preeclampsia (after 2 days with ankles in cuffs and childbirth)

I had a panic attack when I found out it was time. I was not so lucky and it turned out I had preeclampsia giving birth at 36 weeks. 2 days of labor, 5 days in the hospital, and MANY stitches later... I became a mommy. 

3 days old

I can't give you TOO many details on the birth itself since I was in lala land for most of the time. I recall telling the doctor to just stitch the entire thing shut while she was down there because nothing was ever going in or coming out ever again. My mother didn't seem too happy with that. And the doctor said "Oh, I have never heard that one." I can also tell you that you feel it all no matter what is given to you, make sure you have someone to stay with you because it's scary to be alone in a hospital (just in general) and nurses are AMAZING.